“Rarely use Venery but for Health or Offspring; Never to Dulness, Weakness, or the Injury of your own or another’s Peace or Reputation.” – Benjamin Franklin
At 24 years of age with high testosterone levels, I can say that I’m in the period of my life in which “Too much sex.” is a phrase that never even passes my mind. Without a doubt, sex is one of my favorite activities. Up there with working on Wesrom, writing, reading, learning and a few more.
I don’t say this for any other reason but to outline the fact that even though “vanery”, how Benjamin calls it, is a regular part of my life, I can still have the virtue of Chastity.
There are, of course, many ways to install this virtue in one’s life and any way that makes sense to you is more than okay. As a wannabe linguist, writer, good storyteller and programmer, I love disecting complete stories or even short phrases, like Mr. Franklin’s description of the virtue, so that I better understand and, in this case, put into practice what I read.
As a result, I will continue by pointing out the 3 main parts of Ben’s description and how you can apply them to your life and relationship:
Rarely use Venery but for Health or Offspring
Most people are not ready for the responsibility of taking care of children, other than themselves (even that seems difficult at times), so I’ll just go into health, for now.
We are all aware of the health benefits of intercourse. We use it many times to eliminate stress or other negative emotions. In most cases, people have found that they’re much more clear in their thought patterns after they get that part out of the way.
This does not always work when stress levels are very high though, especially for over-achievers. If we have something very pressing to act upon, we get it done as soon as possible. We can reward ourselves afterwards, but sometimes we just want to sleep. 😀
Intercourse is a great “tool” for eliminating tension in most situations, but don’t start creating useless tension just to have a reason to do it. Just like every tool, we must learn to use it wisely.
Never to Dulness or Weakness
I’m extremely serious about everything that has to do with relationships, especially the one I have with Adriana. This leads me to study the topic every week so that I become better and better.
Just like programming, playing the piano, writing and driving a car, being a good friend, a caring boyfriend or even a passionate lover, are skills that are very important and towards which we should consciously dedicate time and energy.
One of the things I’ve found out is that the person with less sex drive from within a couple is (usually) the one that decides when the two will get it on.
So now, knowing this and instead of seeing a relationship as “incompatible”, let’s rather come up with a simple system that works wonders when applied correctly.
You can have one of two roles. Either you’re the one that wants more or you’re the one with less drive.
If you’re the one that wants more, make sure that your partner knows it and then try letting him/her take the calls. Agree that, whenever they feels like it, or would like to be made to feel like it, they will give you a sign.
If you’re the one with less drive, then the best option would be to have an honest conversation with your passionate partner and try to find a middle ground.
In the meanwhile, you can play around in many different ways, have long conversations on many topics, watch movies or engage in tens of other activities that you both enjoy.
Just find a middle-ground that you both feel comfortable with and remember that there are hundreds of other things you both like or would like to do.
Never to the Injury of your own or another’s Peace or Reputation
First of all, sex is not the only activity that two lovers can have. It might seem like the best activity for someone in their teens or twenties, but just because you have a favorite movie or series or (even better, a) book, does not mean that you don’t watch or read other things.
If your partner does not feel like it or would like to do something else, then it’s far better to be creative and come up with other great activities. At the end of the day, those will be the ones that you’ll remember and cherish.
Secondly, I personally consider that no man or woman, boy or girl, should ever partake in any sexual activity under the public eye. Though I’m not a religious person, I consider intercourse as sacred and to be kept within the boundaries of the relationship you have with you couple.
You can, of course, have a different opinion and I respect that. As long as you don’t place others in a position of discomfort or take advantage of them, I’m okay with whatever it is you like.
We can all have as much fun as we want and, at the same time, be virtuous. 🙂
Creating a better tomorrow